Trying to Conceive & Pregnancy After Loss

Deciding to Try Again

Ultimately it is up to you to decide when to try again. You may be told by an OB that you should wait 12-18 months before trying again if you had a full term loss. This suggestion is from the World Health Organization and is based on studies that showed it was harder on the birthing person's body and the baby to have back to back pregnancies. I was told by my midwife that since those studies were with mothers who had living children a lot of the strain on their bodies had to do with taking care of an infant while being pregnant. Therefore it isn't as relevant to loss parents. I know lots of loss parents who only waited a few months in between pregnancies and had normal healthy pregnancies resulting in healthy living children.

Keep in mind that if you just experienced your loss then you still have a lot of hormones rushing through your body that think you should be pregnant or have an infant. From my own experience and what I've seen over and over again in support groups is that right after a loss there is an intense urge to get pregnant again right away, but as hormones level out you'll get a better idea of how long you would actually like to wait. I suggest giving yourself at least a month or two to focus on grieving before you even decide when you want to start trying again.

Also be aware that if you are on a leave and hope to take a leave with a future baby your employer may have requirements that there must be a full 12 months in between when one paid leave ends and the next begins. So contacting your HR may also be a helpful step in deciding if you are ready to try again.

Finally when deciding whether you are ready to try again consider your mental state. Pregnancy after loss is so emotionally taxing. Even trying to conceive after loss can bring on intense grief and frustration. Are you ready for that emotional strain? We will of course never stop grieving our lost babies but our ability to carry the grief gets stronger. If you are still early in loss and struggling to get through the day you are likely not ready for the added challenges of trying to conceive and pregnancy after loss. I have heard loss parents say that getting pregnant again saved them and although the hope can be helpful remember there are no guarantees that your next pregnancy will be easy or end with a healthy live baby. As horrible as it is to think about ask yourself if given your current mental state could you handle a pregnancy with complications or another loss. If the answer is that it would completely destroy you then your focus should be on your mental health right now.

Getting the Full Picture

Make sure you meet with a doctor to discuss what happened with your loss and what will be done in your next pregnancy. You should be able to arrange a meeting with a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctor prior to conceiving. If you did an autopsy an MFM can go over the results with you. MFMs can also do a preconception consultation to discuss with you what happened (if it is known) and can discuss what precautions will be taken in your next pregnancy.

You can also have slides of your placenta sent to Dr. Kliman at Yale School of Medicine. Dr. Kliman is the founder of Measure the Placenta and many loss parents have been able to get answers from him about what caused their loss even when there were no previous answers. Normally his service is completely covered by insurance. For more information about Dr. Kliman and to contact him click here.

If your loss was early or if you have had multiple losses then you may also want to contact a fertility clinic and run tests on you and your partner.

Resources for Trying to Conceive (TTC) After Loss

Trying to conceive after loss can be emotionally draining. I know many loss parents who got pregnant right away after loss even if it had taken them a long time to conceive their deceased child. I also know many loss parents who struggled to get pregnant after loss even if they hadn't dealt with infertility issues prior. Unfortunately we can't know how long it will take which complicates the entire process and makes it more emotional. Many birthing people after a loss feel as though their bodies failed them and their baby. This is a very common experience and if you are feeling this way please know that it is not your fault. I definitely recommend seeing a mental health professional as well as talking about it with other loss parents. These feeling can be amplified while TTC especially if it takes a while. Be kind to yourself, your body, and your partner. Also don't be afraid to get help both from mental health professionals and fertility professionals. My husband and I went to a fertility clinic when trying to conceive Genevieve. During a diagnostic test they discovered my right fallopian tube was blocked and they were able to unblock it. The following cycle we conceived Genevieve from my right ovary.

Tommy's

Tommy's is a UK charity researching the causes and prevention of pregnancy complications, miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. They have lots of resources for people who are trying to conceive or pregnant after a loss. They have a group on Facebook (and other social media) that be a helpful place to get support during your journey. If you are located in the UK you may even be able to go to one of their clinics.

Here is their guide for people TTC after a stillbirth. As well as the video below.

Here is their guide for trying again after a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or molar pregnancy.

Here is their guide for TTC after neonatal loss.

Miscarriage Association

Another organization out of the UK. There have lots of resources for people who have suffered miscarriages. Here is there guide for trying again after a miscarriage or ectopic or molar pregnancy.

Podcasts for TTC After Loss

Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) Resources

You will hear many people say that pregnancy after loss is one of the hardest thing you will go through. Pregnancy in general can be grueling and grieving your child is so incredibly difficult, but PAL is a whole other beast. Don't enter this journey without support. Make sure your partner, family, and/or friends are ready to support you. Also connect other people going through PAL because they will understand you in ways others just can't. Below our some resources but also check social media for groups and find your PAL pals.

Pregnancy After Loss Support

This website is absolutely amazing. It also has an app that I would highly recommend downloading. The app has the same features as a normal pregnancy tracking app but then has additional resources for people going through PAL.

Star Legacy Pregnancy After Loss Support Group

This is a weekly support group over zoom. It is on Monday nights. To register for this group or any of Star Legacy's support groups click here.

Podcast Episodes about PAL

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