Hospital Guide

Have Someone Advocate for You 

I was lucky enough that the Jane's Room Foundation started in the Chicagoland area and so the hospital I delivered in had a Jane's Room specifically for people in my situation. Unfortunately most people experiencing a stillbirth have to do it in a normal labor and delivery room. Have a support person (your doula if you have one or a friend or family member) talk to the hospital staff and ask for the following things: 

• Can you have a room that is on the end of or set away from the rest of the labor and delivery area so you aren't surrounded by live births.  

• Make sure that EVERONE on staff is aware of the situation BEFORE they come into your room. Lots of hospitals will put a butterfly on the door. 

• Can they make exceptions to the normal rules on the number of visitors allowed in the room (if you want). 

• Can the social worker and chaplain come visit. I suggest having both come talk with you before delivery and after. We are not religious so we made sure the chaplain knew before arriving. We met with the chaplain once and the social worker three times during our hospital stay. 

• What resources do they have available for you. Our hospital had a packet of resources they gave us including a booklet that I looked through during the long induction process. 

• What remembrance items does the hospital have available?  My hospital had supplies for making footprints and handprints in clay as well as ink for handprints and footprints. I really wish that I had the supplies for making molds of Genevieve's hands and feet. If your hospital doesn't have the supplies then you may want to order them from Amazon to arrive before you leave the hospital. 

• Is there a cuddle cot to keep your baby in the room with you overnight. If not are they able to bring your baby back to your room in the morning so you can have more time with your baby. 

• Is there a photographer that can offer their services for free? You can also check Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Photography to see if they have a free photographer available in your area.

Let as Much Joy in as You Can

I know this is far from how you imagined your delivery day to be. I know you are overwhelmed with sadness and possibly anger or guilt. It might not feel like there is room for joy, but I promise you that sorrow and joy can co-exist. This time in the hospital giving birth to and holding your child can be something you look back on fondly if you allow it. Your baby is dead. I know how horrible that is, but your baby isn't fully gone yet. Treasure these last moments with your baby. Make all positive memories you can. 

We read Genevieve a book, and talked to her, and cuddled her. Andrew, my husband, put a diaper on her and dressed her. All those memories of mothering my beautiful perfect baby always make me smile even when her loss makes me cry. 

Delivery can also be beautiful. I had planned on having a natural birth, but after finding out Genevieve had no heartbeat I opted for pain killers. The night before delivery my best friend and her boyfriend came to the hospital to be with us. Andrew's sister was also there and we had a little dance party (which had been my original plan for early contractions) and laughed and cried together. I opted for Dilaudid for pain relief which made laughing a lot easier. 

Early the next morning I got an epidural. I had wanted to birth in a squat or kneeling position which normally isn't possible with an epidural, but since I was still able to move my legs my OB allowed it. I had my coconut water to drink all through deliver just like I had wanted and I had Andrew play the perfect song during the final moments of delivery and I felt so powerful. 

Part of me had thought that Genevieve would cry and it would have all been a misunderstanding. I was so hoping my perfect girl would be alive. Of course that wasn't the case and I felt sorrow over powering my joy again. 

Our OB held out Genevieve and asked if I wanted to hold her. I hadn't been sure if I would be able to right away. But I saw her and needed to hold her.  Her warm skin against mine was so incredible. That first moment of skin to skin time was just like I had imagined it would be like with a live baby. For Andrew though his first moment of skin to skin he let out the same intense guttural cry I had let out when we found out their was no heartbeat. That moment was so intense for him he doesn't even fully remember it. But he does remember all the beautiful precious loving moments we had with our daughter. We both look back on the day she was born fondly.