How to Support a Loss Parent

A Note from Genevieve's Mom:

First off I want to thank you for taking the time to educate yourself on how to be the best support person to your friend or family member who has lost their baby. Unfortunately many loss parents feel unsupported or even further hurt from friends and family. In my support groups I kept hearing so many stories of lost friendships and strained relationships with family following the loss of a baby. I expressed to my best friend how grateful I was that that wasn't the case with us and said I was so impressed with how incredible she had been in supporting me. She admitted that when she found out about Genevieve she had posted in Reddit asking how she could best support me. I found it so heartwarming that she had taken the time to educate herself on how best to support me and that she had taken all the advice to heart. I hope that this page will help you be a safe and supportive person during your loved one's grieving journey.

My suggestions from the FAQs page

Personally what has been most supportive for me is having someone listen to me talk about my daughter and allowing me to cry while holding space for me. There isn't anything you can say to make it the pain go away so listening more than talking is often helpful. Also taking care of chores and basic tasks can be very helpful, but ask the loss parents which tasks would be most helpful. One loss dad I know said that he was grateful when people started a meal train for him and his wife, but it also meant that he could no longer cook for his wife and he would have preferred people helped in a different way.

One thing I've learned from being in support groups with loss parents is that every bereaved parent has different desires and needs for being supported. You can get suggestions of what was helpful for one person, but it might not be what your friend or family member would find supportive. I think communication is very important. Ask the person questions about what would be supportive, but make sure the questions aren't too open as that can feel overwhelming. So instead of simply asking "how can I support you?" try asking things like "would it be helpful if I..." and give a specific suggestion. Also you can check in and ask things like "How did it make you feel when I..."

Podcast Episodes on How to Support a Grieving Person

This episode of Life Kit is on how to support someone through grief in general. I would say that all of the suggestions are relevant to supporting a loss parent as well. This is a very well edited and researched podcast that includes expert interviews. I think this is a great resource and definitely worth a listen. If you are only going to listen to one of these podcast episodes I would suggest this one.

This is from At a Total Loss which is a podcast specifically about pregnancy and infant loss. This episode is a short episode made as a guide for supporting loss parents. The suggestions are very similar to Life Kit episode, but are made specific for loss parents. This is a less professional podcast and you get more raw emotions from loss mom's sharing their experiences.

Articles from Compassionate Friends

The first link talks about how the grief journey can manifest for different people and can be a very helpful resource for understanding what your friend or family member is going through. The second one is aimed towards coworkers and employers, but has great advice that can help anyone who knows a loss parent.

The Grief of a Parent When a Child Dies

How to Support a Coworker or Employee

Dos and Don'ts From TGN Therapy

I love these Dos and Don'ts although I wish it was more inclusive with the use of pronoun. My husband found these very useful as well and shared them with his support network. Please remember that all loss parents regardless of gender need support.

Gifts for Loss Parents

If you are the kind of person who likes to send care packages or gifts then here are some options that were created by loss parents. These premade gift packages are a great option, but also sending something personalized specifically based on your particular friend or family member is also a great choice.

Forget Me Not Baskets

There are three size options for baskets and you can also buy individual items.

Baby Loss Package | Teddy's Wish

Teddy's Wish Packages

Teddy's Wish is located in the UK so are a good option for those in or near the UK. They offer comfort packages for loss parents.

Care Package for Stillbirth/Infant Loss from Centering

This care package is several books in a canvas bag. It is very affordable and a great gift for loss parents early in their journey.

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