Supporting Parents Through Pregnancy After Loss 

Pregnancy after loss is a complicated and emotional journey. For many parents, it brings a mix of hope, love, fear, and grief. Every milestone is layered with what has been lost and what is hoped for. If someone you love is pregnant after losing a baby, here are some ways you can show care and support. 

Acknowledge Both Babies

• Recognize the baby who died and the baby on the way. One fear a lot of loss parents have is that people will stop thinking about their deceased baby and think the new baby means the parents are "moving on"

• Simple words like, “I’m thinking of Genevieve and your new little one too” can mean the world.

• Avoid saying things like “This baby will heal you” or “At least you can have another.” Every child is unique and irreplaceable. Getting pregnant again does not take away a parent's love and grief for their previous child. 

Understand that Pregnancy After Loss Brings Complicated Emotions

• When I found out I was pregnant with Genevieve I was so excited and wanted to share the news with everyone. When I found out was pregnant again after losing Genevieve it was hard to be excited. I was terrified and overwhelmed. It took months for me to actually feel safe enough to be excited and even then the anxiety never went away. 

• Anxiety, grief, and other other overwhelming emotions can be high, especially at milestones connected to their previous loss.

• Be patient if they seem more guarded, cautious, or need extra reassurance.

Don't be Overly Positive

• I waited to tell even my closest friends and family because I the idea of hearing "congratulations" amidst all the fears and complications was just too overwhelming.  I felt most supported when people really asked me how I was feeling and listened to all my complex emotions instead of telling me how excited they were for me. 

• Don't dismiss a loss parent's fears. It isn't helpful to hear how unlikely something an issue is to happen when they have already experienced the highly unlikely. The fact that they are sharing their fears with you means they trust you and feel safe being vulnerable with you. If you dismiss their fears they will stop feeling safe in confiding in you. 

• Before offering hope first make sure to show the loss parent you understand why they have those fears. Recognize and validate their anxiety and grief before any positive comments. 

Offer Gentle, Practical Support

• Check-ins: Send short, thoughtful messages like “Thinking about you. How are you feeling today?” instead of “Are you excited?” 

• Appointments: Offer to go with them or wait nearby for emotional support.

• Daily Life: Help with meals, errands, or childcare if they need space to rest and process.

Respect Boundaries

• Some parents may not want a baby shower, gender reveal, or to talk about the pregnancy much at all. 

• Others may want those things especially if they weren't able to have those things in their last pregnancy. Ask them what they want and accept their response and don't keep asking. 

• As the pregnancy progresses loss parent's boundaries may change, but let them take the lead on how they want to discuss their pregnancy.  Don't assume that as the pregnancy continues they will become excited like they once were. This is a very different pregnancy.  

• Many loss parents don't want anyone around when a baby is born after loss. Make sure to ask about and respect their decision on visiting for or after birth.

Don't Give Medical or Mental Health Advice (or Really Any Advice Unless Asked for)

• Unless you are an OB or mental health professional then keep the advice to yourself. And even if you are a medical professional ask if the loss parent would like your thoughts before giving advice. 

• When I was pregnant with Genevieve I wanted to hear from others about their pregnancies and get advice. During PAL it was painful and frustrating to hear people compare their pregnancies with no complications or history of loss to my own. If you haven't been pregnant after loss before then you do not understand what the loss parent is going through.  

• One thing that is particularly hard to hear is that a loss parent should stress less. I know loss friends who have been told their stress is going to hurt the baby. Please don't ever say this or anything similar to this. We don't want or need to hear what is best for our babies that is between us and our doctors. Stress is unavoidable in PAL and we will manage it as best as we can. 

Closing Note

Pregnancy after loss is never about “moving on.” It is about carrying love forward — for the baby who died and for the baby to come. Your support can help parents feel less alone and scared.